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Fiction. © Copyright 1997, Jim Loy
We are here at the Pool Championships of the Known Universe, for the final match between Ben Cupersmith representing the human race, and Klaklakl30579217 (affectionately known as Klaklakl7 to pool fans) representing the Klaklakl race.
I'll run through the rules for those of you who don't play pool. The table is a regulation 4-foot table, not the 3-foot table that you viewers are probably accustomed to. The balls are racked with the one-ball in front, and the two-ball directly behind it. The object of the game is to pocket the two-ball, in one of the four pockets. But, the balls must be shot in rotation. By that I mean that if the one-ball is still on the table, then the cue ball must contact the one-ball before it can contact the two-ball. If a player makes the one-ball, he continues his turn.
The players have just lagged for the break. It looks like a fairly equal lag, as both balls have come to rest touching the end rail. Ah, the robo-referee has determined that Mr. Cupersmith has won the lag, as his ball was pressing more firmly against the rail. Mr. Klaklakl3579217 has graciously congratulated Mr. Cupersmith on his nice lag.
The match is a race to two. In other words, the first being to make the two-ball twice wins the tournament, and a record seven-trillion dollars.
Mr. Cupersmith has stepped up to break. He's gotten a good break. The two is headed for the #4 pocket. Oh, bad luck, he's hung it up in the pocket. The replay shows that he drove the two to the end rail. It banked to the center, where it kissed the cue ball, and nearly dropped into the #4 pocket.
If Mr. Klaklakl3579217 makes this bank on the one, he should have an easy run out. He made the bank on the one, easily. And he has made the two. And he leads one to zero. Remember that this is a race to two. Beings have come back from a zero to one deficit before.
Mr. Klaklakl3579217 steps to the table for his break. Notice that he breaks from the left side, while Mr. Cupersmith breaks from the more conventional right side. It looks like this may be a good break, but he has not made any balls. Oh no, he's scratched in the #2 pocket. Oh my, that's terrible luck. That evens up the match at one apiece.
For our intermission, we have a real treat for our viewers. Archeologists have pieced together evidence for an ancient game called Nine-ball. Don't laugh, they may actually have played with that many balls. We have put together a Nine-ball exhibition. We don't know how they used to rack the balls, so we've lined them up, one behind the other.
Mr. Klaklakl3579217 has made a ball on the break, but he doesn't have a clear shot on the one-ball. He played a nice kick to the one-ball. But Mr. Cupersmith has a cut on the one-ball, which he makes. And he makes the easy two ball. Normally, that would be a game-winning shot. But, the object of this game is to make the nine-ball, hence the name of the game.
The audience is getting fairly restless, as it is becoming obvious that this game could last for several more minutes. Mr. Cupersmith doesn't seem to know how to deal with a cluster of three balls, that he has down on the end rail. So he plays a safe.
Well, I think that we've seen enough Nine-ball. We have to get back to our official match, before the players get very tired. I imagine you fans will remember this exhibition for years to come.
It is Mr. Cupersmith's turn to break. Ah, he made the one and has a difficult cut on the two. He is taking his time. And he made the two! Amazing! This has certainly been one of the great comebacks of all time.
Disclaimer: Many archeologists claim that a game as complicated as Nine-ball never actually existed. There are rumors of the existance of a game called Eight-ball. Archeologists have deduced that this game was played when one of the balls was missing.
Author's note: The inspiration for this story is the distressing trend, in pool in the USA, toward simpler games, like Nine Ball. Apparently, the public's attention span is too short for the more interesting games of Straight Pool, One Pocket, and 3-Cushion Billiards.