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© Copyright 2001, Jim Loy
When a bowler misses a five pin or leaves an impossible split, he/she often looks to the heavens and asks, "Why me?" This question is addressed to the fickle bowling gods. These fat, jovial, beer-drinking gods are probably more closely related to the gambling gods than to other sports gods.
It is important to never anger the bowling gods. Never say, "Stupid bowling gods," or things like that; for then you are sure to be struck by the bowling equivalent of lightning. However, it is perfectly acceptable to say, "I hate bowling." In fact, that is the whole idea of the sport. You are supposed to hate bowling. Along with golf, bowling is the masochists favorite sport.
There is a recently invented rite, which is apparently designed to appease the bowling gods. This is the Turkey Dance. The Turkey Dance was apparently invented by Michelle, a member of my team. The Turkey Dance is performed, after bowling a turkey (three strikes in a row), by placing the hands under the arm pits (right hand under the right arm pit, and left hand under the left arm pit) and flapping the elbows (wings) up and down. This is to be accompanied by leg movements which are psychologically impossible for me to perform. This failure on my part has been a disappointment to those who otherwise would have admired me for having bowled a turkey. So for me, the Turkey Dance is limited to arm movements. And I leave the full dance to those more adequate than myself. By the way, turkey noises are definitely not part of the dance.
I am writing this essay in hopes that (despite my inadequate description) the Turkey Dance will spread to the PBA Tour.