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Fiction. © Copyright 1996, Jim Loy
Author's note: This story originally appeared in Chess 'n' Stuff, and later in the Montana Chess News.
Author's note: This story originally appeared in Chess 'n' Stuff, and later in the Montana Chess News.
Years ago, Bill and George played chess at George's house every Wednesday. George always won, and usually the wins were easy. When sometimes Bill thought he was going to draw or even win, George would seem to luck out. And even he admitted that he had been lucky on some occasions.
On one of these Wednesdays, the two players were leaning over the chess board as usual. Bill, as he reached out to move, said, "Don't you get tired of beating me?"
"No," George said, "It's fun. You're playing very well today, by the way." He carefully moved a piece with his little finger.
Bill said, "I'd like to play a real fancy combination, some mate-in-twenty like Morphy or Anderssen. That would be a form of immortality. But I'm just not creative enough."
George suggested, "You could do a Sweeper Sealer Twist."
Bill responded, "Ah, you made that one up."
"No, it's in Pawn Power, by Hans Kmoch."
"It sounds like you're mispronouncing 'Kmoch'."
George quipped, "I'll bet Hans Kmoch mispronounced 'Kmoch'."
Bill said, "That's pretty funny." He puzzled over George's move. In the end, he put George in check. "Put him in check, it might be mate," he thought to himself.
After a time, George made another quiet move.
Again taken by surprise, Bill went to work, and saw that George was trying to attack one of his Pawns. He thought, "It's going to be hard to protect that Pawn. I might as well push it." Then, he saw, to his dismay, that if he pushed the Pawn, George could sacrifice a Knight to win the Pawn. Then George could regain the Knight with a discovered check. He thought, "Wow, I lose the Pawn that way, too!" Bill was really getting into the game, seeing more than he ever had before. Then he thought, "But, after he regains the Knight, my King can just march over and take one of his Pawns. He can't even stop me. And we'll be even again. And we've got a draw in the Pawn ending." Other moves didn't seem to have so clear-cut a result. So he pushed the Pawn.
Bill's sense of satisfaction grew as George sacrificed the Knight. Bill captured the Knight. George regained the Knight with the discovered check. Then Bill marched his King over and won the Pawn. Then George moved a pawn, blocking Bill's last mobile pawn. And Bill had no good move. Any move he could make would ruin his position. Bill stared in dismay at 'zugswang'. "I'll bet Hans Kmoch couldn't pronounce 'zugswang'," he thought, trying to cheer himself up.
Bill looked up at George. George smiled and asked, "How'd you like that maneuver?"
Bill said, "George, you're full of maneuver." Then he realized that that was a pun. "Hey, 'full of maneuver', that's a joke."
George, setting up the pieces again, said, "Not bad."
"Not bad? That's a great joke. You're full of maneuver!" he laughed. He thought to himself that he had created a joke, so he actually was creative. If he could create a joke, he could win a chess game, or maybe create a great combination. "Why not?" he asked himself. "And maybe I should sell my joke to Johnny Carson." He pictured Johnny doing his monologue: "Doc, you're full of maneuver." As they started the next game, Bill could just hear Ed McMahon laughing.
Bill lost that game too. But, he seemed happier. George thought that maybe Bill was more fun, now that he was creative.
"Hey, Dr. Heimlich's full of maneuver, too."
On second thought...