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© Copyright 1999, Jim Loy
a short play
Scene #1: Jim's messy one room apartment. Jim is in pajamas in bed on the right. There are refrigerator, sink, and stove on the back wall. The sink is filled to overflowing with cups. There is a bare light bulb (not turned on) hanging from above, in the middle of the room. There is a door on a wall on the left. The audience can see the hallway outside this door.
Jennifer nervously appears in the hallway, and knocks on Jim's door. Jim sits up, stretches, yawns, and gets out of bed. He pulls the string on the light bulb and the room brightens somewhat. He checks to see if his fly is open. He opens the door a crack and peeks through the crack.
Jim: Oh hi, Jennifer.
Jennifer: Hi. I just thought I'd come over and uh [pause] borrow a cup of sugar.
Jim (looks at the pile of cups in the sink): I don't have a clean cup. [pause] Hold on.
Jim goes to a cupboard and pulls out a huge sack of sugar. He lifts it with difficulty and carries it to the door. He opens the door wider and dumps the sack into the arms of a reluctant Jennifer. The weight of the sack flattens Jennifer to the floor.
Jim: You OK Jennifer?
Jennifer: I'm fine. Thanks for the sugar.
Jim: You're welcome. Good bye.
Jennifer: Good bye.
Jim closes the door. Jennifer continues to struggle under the sack while the scene goes on.
Jim (frustrated): I wish I could tell Jennifer that I love her. She's so perfect. I should have one clean cup. I can't get to the sink to wash cups. I'll wash one in the shower for next time. I wonder why I have so many cups.
Jennifer pushes the sack off of her, gets up, and drags the sack off stage.
Jim (turns to the audience): I need your advice. How can I let Jennifer know that I love her?
If the audience doesn't respond, then someone in the audience shouts, "Just tell her."
Audience: Tell her.
Jim: Oh sure! It's easy for you people. You're all attractive [pause] and well adjusted. [turns away from the audience, then turns back to the audience] Just tell her? Really?
Jim (practicing): Jennifer, I'm sorry I dumped that sugar on you, because I don't have any clean cups. But I love you. Na. [pause] Jennifer, I've met a lot of dames... Na. [pause] Jennifer, I know you're perfect and I'm nothing, but... Na. [pause] Jennifer. Na.
Jim dejectedly turns out the light and goes to bed. [curtain]
Scene #2: A dream. Surrealistic movie theater. Jim and Jennifer sit in chairs facing the audience.
Jennifer: Thanks for inviting me to the movie, even though this is just a dream.
Jim: Well, there's something I wanted to tell you. And this is supposed to be a really great movie.
Jennifer: What movie is it?
Jim: It's the Wayne Gretzky Story, starring Jack Nicholson.
Jennifer: Jack Nicholson? He doesn't look like Wayne Gretzky.
Jim: Duh. He plays Adolph Hitler.
She nods for a while, as if that made sense. The lights go down.
Jennifer: What did you want to tell me?
Jim: I'm sorry I dropped that sugar on you, because I don't have any clean cups. But...
There is a loud chorus of "sh" all around the stage. [curtain]
Scene #3: Surrealistic tiny island with one palm tree. Shark fins move around in the foreground. Jennifer is in a grass skirt and swimsuit top. Jim is on a lawn chair and is in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. He holds a drink with an umbrella in it. Jennifer is hula dancing throughout the scene.
Jim: Jennifer? I'm sorry I dropped that sugar on you, because I don't have any clean cups. But...
Jennifer: Not now. I'm practicing for the hula competition.
Jim: Hula competition? [the sky turns green] Hey the sky turned green. I wonder what that's all about.
Jennifer: It's at the Hotel A-a-a-a.
Jim: Well, how you gonna get there? We're surrounded by proverbial shark infested waters here.
Jennifer: Is that a problem?
Jim: Here I'll show you. [He wades toward the audience and pulls a large shark out of the "water"] See. Shark.
The shark bites Jim's neck. They wrestle. The sky turns red. Jim disappears underwater. Jennifer continues to hula. [curtain]
Scene #4: Surrealistic battlefield. Jim is in pajamas. Jennifer is in whatever she wore in scene #1. They are sitting on a pile of hand grenades. They take turns pulling pins with their teeth and throwing grenades in random directions. There are sounds of explosions and gun fire. There are flashes of light.
Jim: Jennifer, I'm sorry I dropped that sugar on you, because I don't have any clean cups. But...
Jennifer: Ouch! I think I broke a tooth.
Jim: Here, let me do it.
Jennifer holds her grenade toward Jim. He bites the ring on the pin. She pulls the grenade away from him. The pin dangles from his teeth. She throws the grenade.
Jim (throws another grenade): Jennifer, I need to tell you this.
Jennifer holds out a grenade. Jim bites the ring. She pulls the grenade. Jim spits out the pin.
Jim: Jennifer, I love you.
There is a pause. Then there is a big explosion sound, and a flash of light. The lights go completely out. The lights come back on to a closed curtain.
Scene #5: Surrealistic train station. Jim and Jennifer are sitting on a bench. On the wall behind them a projection of a train continues to race by. This can be done with a loop of paper in which windows have been cut, turning around a light source. Train clickety clack noises are heard.
Jim: Jennifer, I'm sorry I dropped that sugar on you, because I don't have any clean cups. But... [pause] I love you.
Jennifer: Oh Jim. I love you too. But I've got to get on that train, and leave you forever.
Jim: Why don't you just stay?
Jennifer: I wish I could. I don't know why I have to get on that train. But I have to.
Jim: Maybe the train won't stop.
Jennifer: That would be nice. But I see that it is slowing down now. [The train speeds up]
Jim: Then I'll go with you.
Jennifer: But you don't have a ticket. [She laughs] How will you get on the train without a ticket?
Jim: Yeah. How would I get on without a ticket?
They both laugh uncontrollably, as if this were very funny. [curtain]
Scene #6: Surrealistic scene of some kind. Jim and Jennifer run very very slowly across the stage. This conversation has pauses in it, to spread it out through the entire scene.
Jim: My feet are sticking to the ground.
Jennifer: Don't look back. It'll catch us.
Jim: What's chasing us?
Jennifer: I don't know.
Scene #7: This scene may or may not look surrealistic. Jim and Jennifer are out walking at night. We see stars.
Jennifer: Boy it's sure pretty out. [She points upward] Look, is that the Milky Way?
Jim: Uh, no. That's the moon. [Pause] Jennifer, I'm sorry I dropped that sugar on you, because I don't have any clean cups. But...
Jennifer: Oh look, a shooting star. It's really bright.
Jim: It's called a meteor, Jennifer.
Bright flash of light and a loud explosion. [curtain]
Scene #8: Jim's bedroom. Jim sits up in bed, dazed.
Jim: Holy extinction event, Batman.
Jennifer is seen in the hallway, dragging the sugar back to Jim's door. She knocks. Jim gets out of bed, turns on the light, and opens the door a crack.
Jim: Oh hi, Jennifer.
Jennifer: I'm through with the sugar. [She wipes sweat from her forehead, with the back of her hand]
Jim: Oh. Say. I'm sorry I dropped that sugar on you, because I don't have any clean cups. But...
Jennifer: That's OK. I needed the exercise.
Jim: Jennifer, I need to tell you something.
Someone in the audience: Tell her!
Jim and Jennifer look to the audience.
Jim: I... I love you, Jennifer.
Jennifer: Oh Jim. I love you too. Here, have a hand grenade.
She hands the grenade to Jim. There is a flash of light and the sound of an explosion. [curtain]
Scene #9: Jim's bedroom. The room is now neat. There are no cups in the sink. Jim sits up in bed.
Jim: Wow! What a nightmare!
Pause. Jennifer, who was not visible to the audience before, sits up in bed, next to Jim.
Jennifer: Morning, honey.
Jennifer: Time to get the kids ready for school.
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