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Fiction. © Copyright 1998, Jim Loy
William said, "Mother MacGregor is here."
Nelson responded, "I don't know a Mother MacGregor, do I?"
"I don't think you do."
"Then why is she here?"
"She has an appointment."
Nelson sighed. "You're being very helpful, today. What is this appointment all about."
"She makes cookies, the best cookies in the world, as I understand it." He paused. "She wants some of your money."
"What?"
"You have a lot of money. She wants you to invest in her cookies."
"This is a software company, in case you never figured that out. Get rid of her. Send her to Microsoft."
"You do want to talk with Mother MacGregor. I guarantee it."
Nelson was intrigued. "OK. Let's get it over with."
Before anyone could be introduced, Mother MacGregor, a pleasant old lady, had distributed a pile of cookies, on the conference table, in front of each person.
Nelson said, "Sorry, I'm on a diet."
Mother MacGregor said, "No one says 'no' to my cookies."
"Oh, do you hold a gun to their heads?" He chuckled.
She didn't answer. She just smiled.
Nelson soon became aware of sounds of joy, around him. His people were munching cookies, and uttering "Mmmmm," and "Ahhhhh," like cartoon characters. Nelson said, "I guess I gotta eat one of these damned cookies." He broke off a piece, and put it in his mouth. "Mmmmm." That cookie was really good. "Ahhhhh." He finished the cookie, and began a second one. "Mmmmm." Nelson began to notice two thoughts intrude into his brain, (1) he wanted more cookies, and (2) he could imagine people lining up to buy these cookies. If he played his cards right, this could be a big, big deal.
She drove a hard bargain. She just wanted his money.
He drove a hard bargain. He wanted to run her company. He had big business experience, she did not.
She would be the only person making any decisions, in HER company. She knew cookies, he did not.
He didn't have any more cookies. He tried to grab one from one of his people. He couldn't get it. His person quickly ate it, and smiled a smug smile. Mutiny. Heads would roll. Mother MacGregor gave him another pile of cookies. Ah, cookies. Everyone else panted expectantly, almost begging like puppies, for more cookies. Mother MacGregor distributed more cookies. Where was she getting all of those cookies?
Cookies were clouding his mind. "Excuse me, Mother MacGregor, could you step outside. My people and I need to talk in private."
Nelson asked, "Wow, is there something illegal in these cookies?"
William said, "Not according to this list of ingredients. But, I suppose we wouldn't object too much, if there were. But, I suppose the public would figure it out, eventually. So, I guess we would object. We'll check that out."
Nelson said, "Maybe we can't let her run the company. She might be incompetent."
William said, "We could kill her."
"What? We're talking about cookies, here."
"We're talking about business, money."
"But, we don't kill people."
"I'm just saying that we have to think of that option. I mean, other options are preferable, of course. Don't get me wrong."
"Maybe she'll do a good job of running HER company."
"Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah."
Nelson was getting impatient with his people. "But, none of you can come up with any alternative plans? (1) Wait and see if she does a good job, or (2) kill her?"
Nobody had an answer to that.
Nelson said, "Well, I propose that we give her a chance. We watch her like hawks. If we don't like what she is doing, we try to give her advice. If she won't take our advice, we have another meeting like this one. In the mean time, we think up some alternatives to killing her."
They did invest in Mother MacGregor's Cookies. And they all made a lot of money. And, every once in a while, they were not happy with the way Mother MacGregor ran her company.
"Here is a chart, showing that Mother MacGregor's schedule is very predictable. I wrote a simulation, which predicts where she will be at any time of the day."
"Why did you do that?"
"Well, in case we decide to hire a hit man. This might be very helpful, in that case. You could give a code word, and then the hit man could get the go ahead."
Nelson shook his head, continuously, "Code word? We are not going to hire a hit man."
"You mean, you want one of us to do it?"
"I mean, we do not kill people. Besides, all of her questionable decisions have turned out all right, no disasters anyway. She seems to have a knack for business."
William seemed disappointed, as always.
Years later, Mother MacGregor died a natural death, despite William's schemes.