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My Horoscope

© Copyright 1997, Jim Loy

This is my horoscope for today:

Beware of people who give you advice. They may not know what they are talking about. And they may not have your best interests at heart. Now is a good time to reaffirm your personal relationships. Avoid a tendency to criticize others. A pleasant surprise may be in store for you.

This is kind of fun. I made up that horoscope, in case you couldn't tell. But, it was so true. It's really uncanny. I bewared of people who gave me advice (by not reading my horoscope in the newspaper). I called my mother (she really appreciated it). I didn't criticize people (not so they could hear). And that seemed to work. And the pleasant surprise? I found a dime on the sidewalk. You know, it reinforces my opinions about astrology.

Maybe you see why this horoscope (and most others) fit so well.

  1. Most of the advice is good advice, regardless. "Be careful how you express yourself, in the morning." Why just in the morning? "Seek out expert advice." Good horoscope. Any such advice can sometimes lead to disaster. But, it's still good advice.
  2. Most of the predictions are vague. "If you have been down in the dumps, you should snap out of it by day's end." Wow, that was clairvoyant (you remember her). "A friend's behavior could cause trouble." Maybe. Maybe not.
  3. And, they combine advice and predictions: "Hard work may result in unexpected rewards." Right on.

It's all the same: astrology, palm reading, numerology, psychics, tarot, graphology. Makes you want to spend your money on this stuff, huh?

Johnny Carson once said, to a movie star who believed in all that stuff, "Why not? It can't hurt." Yeah, if you never make intelligent decisions anyway, I guess it can't hurt.

Addendum:

I received the following email, which I censor slightly:

hello jim my name is RENZ and i have a couple of things to say about your home page . Personally i think your page sucks it is totally obnoxios and stupid now what the f*** are you trying to insinuate with your bull shit articles and horoscopes. Get a job and a life.

My grammar checker doesn't like this guy. Was he offering me a job? He/she is probably right that I should get a life. But, other than that, I consider this a good, thought-provoking essay. But it is hard to argue with sound logic, like this email.

I have received other abusive email about my opinions on astrology.

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